Went to Buddha Class Last Week! Also Another Teacher Training Weekend

One of the real logical rabbit holes I find myself in with Buddha stuff is the idea of acting purely and freeing myself from the constant weighing of what is good and bad. I just don’t understand how anything would ever happen if we could abandon our classifications of good and bad on everything. I can identify the seeds of vanity, self-righteousness, pride, or anything else evaluative or judgmental in practically everything I do. Going to the grocery store, for example, is a complex equation factoring in such variables as: my concepts of proper nutrition as well as my sense of entitlement to enjoy bad nutrition sometimes; my socio-political feelings about the source of food and its superior/inferior quality and ethical implications; my sense of thrift and again a sense of entitlement to nice or fancy things tempering that thrift; my personal preferences for things that I like the taste of or make me feel good or sate; my enjoyment of cooking things for myself and others. These are all decision-making factors that have evolved out of my sense of what is “good” and what is “bad.” I can’t decide to purchase a banana without the entire history of myself somehow influencing the choice. How would I ever get anything done if I were to free myself from the duality of good and bad? Should I close the packaging on these crackers so they don’t get stale? Isn’t that just my sense of what is good and bad? Stale = bad. Crispy = good.

I asked my question about piano playing at Buddha class – which was a really nice class, by the way. It’s a cozy little group of people and the next series is taking place in someone’s deli in town. I’m looking forward to the class, and to making friends, too. Anyway my question about piano playing goes like this: we can generally agree that piano playing is a good thing. Would anyone play piano if we could all transcend good and bad? There are so many things tied up in it – we feel proud of our abilities, a little vain to share them with people who might be impressed, attached to the physical fact of a big old piano that facilitates the piano practice and playing. How would one practice, play, or perform piano purely? The answer was a little abstract for me. We'll see.

Anyway. We’re doing back-bending in yoga training this weekend. Back-bending is sort of my enemy since I messed up my lower back (as is forward-bending, but whatever), but I like that we get to spend some time with it. Aversion, inability, and resistance should usually be investigated.

Also here’s another over-share if anyone’s interested: I think I’m getting happier. When I was really stressed out and miserable not too long ago – about 6 or 7 months ago – I used to check in with myself by asking myself how I was doing: “How you doin’, friend?” And for a while the answer was usually “vaguely suicidal as usual, old pal, just keep walking and don’t think too hard about it!” Well yesterday I was in the shower and I asked myself, “So how are you?” And I said back, “I’m happy.” Something right is happening; I’m really excited about it. I just have to keep working at it, and eventually maybe the “happy” response will stay put!