This weekend I had to work for a few hours at a big, popular, flower event that the city has every year, usually the same weekend as Mother’s Day. It’s right near the law school I went to, and I realized that professors and people I know from that time might swing through and see me, and I’d end up having some conversations about what I’m doing with myself these days etc. And that’s fine, I’m completely happy with my life choices and don’t feel accountable to anyone for any of my decisions anyway (I’m a grown-up, yes? Yes.). But it did get me thinking about what I usually say about what I'm doing and why, and it made me think about "where" I like to put myself in the stream of human experience. I have concluded that I prefer to be more on the inoculation side of things and less on the antibiotics end of things.
So I think I’ve mentioned before the pro bono thing, providing free legal services to people who can’t afford them. And that I hated it and found it ridiculously stressful and horrible. And yet, the tug at myself to “help” people and use my supposed powers for good created a lot of conflict in me. It’s like forcing yourself to eat something really bitter because it’s good for you. There are really other ways to keep yourself positively occupied or full of nutrients than by doing things that you hate.
Anyway. When providing legal services to anyone, you’re usually on the We’re F***ed end of an event. There’s certainly very little opportunity for working in a preventive roll for an attorney unless you have an ongoing relationship with a client who consults you as they move through their personal decisions. Nope, for most people, calling a lawyer is like getting antibiotics - you're f*****, but we can through some expert-seeming crap on it, and you'll be fine. And I think I prefer working on the inoculation end of life, in that it involves the point in time before everything goes to hell, when everyone can do some yoga and go for a walk and eat some vegetables. That’s what I can handle; that’s what I like.
I used to feel really mystified by people who spent their lives seemingly dedicated to “how” one lives their life. Seemed really boring to me. Diet gurus, exercise lifestyle people, whatever – it seemed like such a limited life to consume oneself with these kinds of things and want to talk to people about how to act all day. Weird. I think it seemed to me that we all sort of figure out how to act anyway, and we should be aiming for higher things like art and music or whatever; that our personal potential is primary, and that the tiny facts of sustenance and connectedness and fitness and peace were secondary pursuits that should be balanced in accordance to their ability to support or detract from one’s primary purpose. But I feel a little more interested in versions of life that have a lot to do with how to live life, as opposed to leaving that as an afterthought or as the natural consequence of one’s other choices/primary pursuits. It’s endlessly fascinating, this examination-breakdown of our tiny choices, and the measuring of our feelings and reactions against these choices, and the adjusting of ourselves depending on the impact we sense. Finding satisfaction in this requires some letting go, perhaps. You might have to let go of ideas of importance or fame or success or whatever else you might think is “more important” than the tiny decisions that come up every day about how to live. Really it all kind of felt small to me, but now I’m starting to feel like it’s everything. Nowadays we have a lot of forces pressing on us that do make small (mostly consumption-based) decisions really big – oil consumption, free range animals, whatever, but even without all the social/ethical baggage that we assign to our decisions, attentiveness to the mundane is pretty much where it’s at. There is a dark side to this attentiveness, which is that stuff like going to a coffee shop can become an event of emotional impact completely disproportionate to its import, i.e., “did the barista hate me with that snarling snarkiness,” “this table is too sticky,” “those people are talking too loud,” “is someone looking at my laptop information,” “I have to pee but I don’t want to leave my stuff here but I also don’t want to lose my seat.”
The roller-coaster of our everyday experience can be pretty intense if you absorb yourself too fully in its minutiae. Maybe I’m trying to say something else about being happy just trying to live. That the range of interactions and emotions we have going to a coffee shop are the higher purpose in life? Something like that?
BUT ANYWAY. Suffice it to say that I empathize with people who are a bit obsessed with the hard work of making their daily decisions have a positive impact on themselves, because it doesn’t seem small-minded or less lofty to me, it seems real and powerful. And I am much happier trying to part of the prospective, as opposed to responsive, aspect of sentient happiness here on the planet, which is to say that I prefer inoculations (or the lifestyle equivalent) to antibiotics. Prevention is way less toxic a game than cure, and I am okay with a life that has less to do with accomplishing “important” things and more to do with living well.
Showing posts with label criteria for happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label criteria for happiness. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
I'm Not a Buddhist
I really like meditation. I really, really like it. I don't do it every day lately, but it's pretty great when I do it. I think I like it because it's kind of trippy and it's like being on completely optional drugs that stop working when you want them to. And I like all the little Buddha-man tricks of perspective that help me feel more relaxed about the irritations of life. These are all pretty handy. But it's just not enough to be a primary source of pursuit and study for me.
I was wondering a while ago whether spirituality is a substitute for personality traits and I am feeling these days like the answer is yes. Having a big hole in your chest, I think, is much more likely to mean that you are not using your human capacities in a way that makes you feel fully connected to society. Joining a church can certainly provide that in the sense that there are books to study and people to discuss things with and weekly obligations to attend and volunteer opportunities - all these things can create a sense of purpose and accountability, but it's not really about finding a spiritual center. It's about using your regular, secular, reality-based abilities in a useful way.
In general, I think it's a mistake to go looking for god if you're looking for yourself. I mean, did I mention that the guy who leads the Buddha discussions in the deli is a master carpenter, accomplished musician, as well as a husband and father? And he isn't just a practicing Buddhist, he's a group-discussion leader, highly social community member, and is sometimes employed by the temple to build specialized pieces of woodwork. It makes sense to me that he would be a happy guy with probably minimal identity problems; he's using his capacities pretty fully to contribute to a social direction.
When I wonder about a cure for emptiness, I connect most with Betty Friedan's research on identity and happiness:
"The identity crisis . . . seems to occur for lack of, and be cured by finding, the work, or cause, or purpose that evokes his own creativity." And Friedan cites the failure to find this work/cause/purpose, this emptiness, the "problem that has no name," (or The Feminine Mystique) as a problem of, well - laziness and confusion. This rings the most true to me. This is what I accuse myself of in my own search for myself, so I'm predisposed to agree with it, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Friedan continues:
"[E]ven if a woman does not have to work to eat, she can find identity only in work that is of real value to society . . . . [But f]or fear of commitment, hundreds of able, educated suburban housewives today fool themselves about the writer or actress they might have been, or dabble at art or music in the dilettante's limbo of 'self-enrichment,' or apply for jobs as receptionists or saleswomen, jobs well below their actual abilities. These are also ways of evading growth."
Sounds familiar. I remember when I started this blog I wrote out some criteria for happiness, and "meaningful work" was number three. And as an afterthought, I added spirituality. I think this is still the true order of things. Meaningful work is spirituality. Why is it so hard to find one's meaningful work? I think I may be getting a little bit closer to it. I think in the next ten years I'll have figured out one or two things, or be a little farther along on my feeling of long-term commitment to something. I love body stuff. I really look forward to practicing my yoga teaching on my friends on Sundays, so I think I'm on to something here, at least. And I'm glad for the insights that looking into Buddha stuff has given me, and the things it has made me think about, but it still strikes me as utterly secondary to the true questions of work and self and purpose and place in community. For me, investigating spirituality is an excellent vehicle for connecting with other people who want to talk about finding life purpose - its function is community, and opportunity for connection to community, more than anything. But sense of self is more centered in commitment to exploring your own abilities in a long-term, non-dilettante way.
I was wondering a while ago whether spirituality is a substitute for personality traits and I am feeling these days like the answer is yes. Having a big hole in your chest, I think, is much more likely to mean that you are not using your human capacities in a way that makes you feel fully connected to society. Joining a church can certainly provide that in the sense that there are books to study and people to discuss things with and weekly obligations to attend and volunteer opportunities - all these things can create a sense of purpose and accountability, but it's not really about finding a spiritual center. It's about using your regular, secular, reality-based abilities in a useful way.
In general, I think it's a mistake to go looking for god if you're looking for yourself. I mean, did I mention that the guy who leads the Buddha discussions in the deli is a master carpenter, accomplished musician, as well as a husband and father? And he isn't just a practicing Buddhist, he's a group-discussion leader, highly social community member, and is sometimes employed by the temple to build specialized pieces of woodwork. It makes sense to me that he would be a happy guy with probably minimal identity problems; he's using his capacities pretty fully to contribute to a social direction.
When I wonder about a cure for emptiness, I connect most with Betty Friedan's research on identity and happiness:
"The identity crisis . . . seems to occur for lack of, and be cured by finding, the work, or cause, or purpose that evokes his own creativity." And Friedan cites the failure to find this work/cause/purpose, this emptiness, the "problem that has no name," (or The Feminine Mystique) as a problem of, well - laziness and confusion. This rings the most true to me. This is what I accuse myself of in my own search for myself, so I'm predisposed to agree with it, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Friedan continues:
"[E]ven if a woman does not have to work to eat, she can find identity only in work that is of real value to society . . . . [But f]or fear of commitment, hundreds of able, educated suburban housewives today fool themselves about the writer or actress they might have been, or dabble at art or music in the dilettante's limbo of 'self-enrichment,' or apply for jobs as receptionists or saleswomen, jobs well below their actual abilities. These are also ways of evading growth."
Sounds familiar. I remember when I started this blog I wrote out some criteria for happiness, and "meaningful work" was number three. And as an afterthought, I added spirituality. I think this is still the true order of things. Meaningful work is spirituality. Why is it so hard to find one's meaningful work? I think I may be getting a little bit closer to it. I think in the next ten years I'll have figured out one or two things, or be a little farther along on my feeling of long-term commitment to something. I love body stuff. I really look forward to practicing my yoga teaching on my friends on Sundays, so I think I'm on to something here, at least. And I'm glad for the insights that looking into Buddha stuff has given me, and the things it has made me think about, but it still strikes me as utterly secondary to the true questions of work and self and purpose and place in community. For me, investigating spirituality is an excellent vehicle for connecting with other people who want to talk about finding life purpose - its function is community, and opportunity for connection to community, more than anything. But sense of self is more centered in commitment to exploring your own abilities in a long-term, non-dilettante way.
Friday, November 26, 2010
School School School
Man I love learning stuff. I love waiting for the click in my brain when I'm reading something I don't quite get. When you push a little bit and then figure something out you get to have that little burst popcorn kernel all to yourself forever, a little flower of comprehension to snuggle up to. Mmm mmm love it.
I frequently put down my learning, however, after the initial bloom of comprehension. Sort of goes along with my being pretty-good-at-a-whole-bunch-of-stuff-but-not-meaningfully-proficient-at-anything-at-all.
Why is this? I mean I do believe that depth actually is breadth and through the former you can achieve the latter, and following the thread of god through any discipline or body of knowledge takes you through the source of all. Iyengar says this about love - that dedicating our love to someone is our entry to universal, divine, unlimited love. Yep yep yep sure totally on board.
Ah but putting this into practice means choosing something to follow all the way down its rabbit hole, and I don't feel I've done a ton of that in this lifetime. I think I tend to figure out the baseline rules or concepts so that I know just enough of what is happening to see where something is going, and then I sort of get off the bus. So now I'm 32 and I have a bunch of things that I can do pretty okay and enjoy pretty okay but nothing that I feel I've followed so far afield that it's brought me back home. I'd like to buckle down a little but it's hard to choose what (to my three readers: I've written about this before so if there is a repetitive blogging apology to be made consider it made).
There is toughing it out involved. When the learning curve is super high in the early stages of learning about something, it's pretty thrilling to start to see the pieces put themselves together into the whole. But then there's the plateau. Sigh, the inevitable plateau when you know what's going on but don't know what to do next to make it feel like you're still on the ride. After that the feeling of progress is infinitesimal and at the same time the jump to the next plateau is further away. This is the point in learning that I usually move on.
Well no more! Kind of. We'll see. I think I have three things about myself that I really feel like I want to follow all the way down - under "meaningful work" in my criteria for happiness. My music-playing, yoga stuff, and a bit of philosophy reading that I want to know more about. Feels manageable. Whoops I'm totally forgetting my other little projects like brushing up on my Latin and working on my collages. But this is the problem - the desire to do so many things (breadth) just makes doing anything (depth) impossible. This is the problem with constantly trying on new selves. It never goes anywhere anyway, you are always just you afterward.
And the vanity issue is troubling, too. Experts are so intimidating and special and magical. It would be neat to be seen as an expert on anything. And my own sense of pride and credibility and self-worth is tied into how hard I work on any one thing (which is usually not that hard). So I'm looking for that feeling as well. Not too bodhichitta of me. Mergh, bleh.
I frequently put down my learning, however, after the initial bloom of comprehension. Sort of goes along with my being pretty-good-at-a-whole-bunch-of-stuff-but-not-meaningfully-proficient-at-anything-at-all.
Why is this? I mean I do believe that depth actually is breadth and through the former you can achieve the latter, and following the thread of god through any discipline or body of knowledge takes you through the source of all. Iyengar says this about love - that dedicating our love to someone is our entry to universal, divine, unlimited love. Yep yep yep sure totally on board.
Ah but putting this into practice means choosing something to follow all the way down its rabbit hole, and I don't feel I've done a ton of that in this lifetime. I think I tend to figure out the baseline rules or concepts so that I know just enough of what is happening to see where something is going, and then I sort of get off the bus. So now I'm 32 and I have a bunch of things that I can do pretty okay and enjoy pretty okay but nothing that I feel I've followed so far afield that it's brought me back home. I'd like to buckle down a little but it's hard to choose what (to my three readers: I've written about this before so if there is a repetitive blogging apology to be made consider it made).
There is toughing it out involved. When the learning curve is super high in the early stages of learning about something, it's pretty thrilling to start to see the pieces put themselves together into the whole. But then there's the plateau. Sigh, the inevitable plateau when you know what's going on but don't know what to do next to make it feel like you're still on the ride. After that the feeling of progress is infinitesimal and at the same time the jump to the next plateau is further away. This is the point in learning that I usually move on.
Well no more! Kind of. We'll see. I think I have three things about myself that I really feel like I want to follow all the way down - under "meaningful work" in my criteria for happiness. My music-playing, yoga stuff, and a bit of philosophy reading that I want to know more about. Feels manageable. Whoops I'm totally forgetting my other little projects like brushing up on my Latin and working on my collages. But this is the problem - the desire to do so many things (breadth) just makes doing anything (depth) impossible. This is the problem with constantly trying on new selves. It never goes anywhere anyway, you are always just you afterward.
And the vanity issue is troubling, too. Experts are so intimidating and special and magical. It would be neat to be seen as an expert on anything. And my own sense of pride and credibility and self-worth is tied into how hard I work on any one thing (which is usually not that hard). So I'm looking for that feeling as well. Not too bodhichitta of me. Mergh, bleh.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I Am a Baby About Stress
I used to have what most people would acknowledge as an objectively stressful job: corporate litigation associate ("CLA"). When a CLA says s/he is sooooo stressed out, people pretty much credit that as legitimate. But stress is so subjective. I had incredible stress and anxiety about going to school when I was 11. School was horrible, and trying to manage it all in my head was exhausting. I remember once being yelled at for complaining about stress because I, a child, couldn't possibly understand what stress is really about. I was so offended by this dismissal that I've tried to keep a little bit of compassion in me for people's expressed level of stress no matter how silly it sounds. It's sort of like this: http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02022007
Anyway I was recently helping some friends with a festival they were organizing, and oh lordy did it stress me out. There were emails to answer and things to coordinate and follow up emails and meetings and phone calls and all that crap, and I just was not handling it great. At one point I drove myself to a grocery store parking lot and took a nap in the car until someone called me wondering where I was because they needed help with the stuff I was supposed to be helping with! Pitiful!
Why was this so stressful? I just left an objectively stressful job, and have nothing to do but nurture myself for a living, and I should be relaxed enough that I can manage my own subjective level of stress just fine - but I just wasn't fully up to the task of being on the ball for this festival. I'm going to have to figure out some kind of way to be a productive, obligation-having (and money-earning) person on the planet without it making me get fetal all the time. How?
In yoga class sometimes when we're doing a pose we're given super precise instructions on how to do it just perfectly, and it's super difficult. And this might mean that you can only lift your leg an inch or something. Then the teacher will present the looser, less precise version of the pose, and holy moley you can lift your leg three feet! So then comes the next instruction: keep your leg in the position of the loose pose, but bring yourself back into the difficult, more precise pose. Through this kind of exercise you begin to ask your leg to imagine having both the freedom and ease of the loose pose AS WELL AS adhering to the precise, more difficult expression of the pose. So this is my analogy for life: life is pretty manageable when I have no obligations, and I feel pretty happy over all. But I'm going to have to acquire some kind of stressful obligation in the future in order to comfortably subsist. So from the loose position of low-stress life, can I bring myself into the more difficult, high-obligation expression of life and yet hold on to the happiness I am trying to cultivate? (Buddha says yes, btw) I think so but it'll take a lot of work, I am still "learning" to be happy in spite of various stressors in life. It's tricky.
Anyway I was recently helping some friends with a festival they were organizing, and oh lordy did it stress me out. There were emails to answer and things to coordinate and follow up emails and meetings and phone calls and all that crap, and I just was not handling it great. At one point I drove myself to a grocery store parking lot and took a nap in the car until someone called me wondering where I was because they needed help with the stuff I was supposed to be helping with! Pitiful!
Why was this so stressful? I just left an objectively stressful job, and have nothing to do but nurture myself for a living, and I should be relaxed enough that I can manage my own subjective level of stress just fine - but I just wasn't fully up to the task of being on the ball for this festival. I'm going to have to figure out some kind of way to be a productive, obligation-having (and money-earning) person on the planet without it making me get fetal all the time. How?
In yoga class sometimes when we're doing a pose we're given super precise instructions on how to do it just perfectly, and it's super difficult. And this might mean that you can only lift your leg an inch or something. Then the teacher will present the looser, less precise version of the pose, and holy moley you can lift your leg three feet! So then comes the next instruction: keep your leg in the position of the loose pose, but bring yourself back into the difficult, more precise pose. Through this kind of exercise you begin to ask your leg to imagine having both the freedom and ease of the loose pose AS WELL AS adhering to the precise, more difficult expression of the pose. So this is my analogy for life: life is pretty manageable when I have no obligations, and I feel pretty happy over all. But I'm going to have to acquire some kind of stressful obligation in the future in order to comfortably subsist. So from the loose position of low-stress life, can I bring myself into the more difficult, high-obligation expression of life and yet hold on to the happiness I am trying to cultivate? (Buddha says yes, btw) I think so but it'll take a lot of work, I am still "learning" to be happy in spite of various stressors in life. It's tricky.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Regimen Lapse and Brain Prison
So I'm into week three, I believe, of Operation Self 2010: Yoga. I missed two more days of yoga-doing, which would be yesterday (Monday) and the Friday before. This is fine. I don't view this as failure yet, mostly because on Friday and Monday I was super duper sleepy or had friends over and I am okay making room for "imperfection" in my mission.
Here's some justification from my head: Besides, in my happiness criteria, sleep is an element of health, and relationships are their own criteria, so if I had to somehow stratify my requirements for happiness, then sleep and friends would at least be par with doing yoga, if not above. But I have not stratified my requirements for happiness, because each aspect is part of the delicate soupy broth that sometimes just needs more seasoning than other times. Really, to get everything perfect everyday, fitting in spirituality, the just-right physical feeling of health, putting effort into my relationships, and accomplishing meaningful work, would be impossible. I just can't do everything right everyday.
So this is the teetering atop the axis of my selves: on one side (side A), the disciplined, focused gal who mindfully eschews temptations, forgoing immediate, darker pleasures for the sake of her own future wellness; on the other side (side B), a reckless imbiber yelling gossip over the band and sleeping off a hangover in front of the tv. I am both these things, feeling at once both entitled to be reckless and yet sure that discipline is the only way to save my soul. Somewhere between side A and side B I think I should be able to pursue discipline and indulge recklessness. And, I am truly, truly, sorry to get all eat-pray-barf about it, but what is the expression of this balance?
For example, this weekend was all about side B. Saw bands, hung out with friends, drank a bunch, had a big dumb tv hangover, ate nothing but toast with butter all day. And I am not giving myself too hard a time about it, since I feel like having fun and partying it up is part of integrating myself in my community and permits departure from the Operation and actually helps fulfill the relationships thing, which is important to me, so whatever. Can't just stay home being "happy" all the time. And then Monday was all about recovery, and seeing some more friends, and getting back on the sleep train and getting all ready to get back on track. So then to get all the way back on track, today I am up fairly early, and have a hike planned, and found a yoga class to go to, and totally plan to practice my guitar playing, so I feel like this will "balance" out my bloated, imperfect weekend efforts. Fine.
But here's the problem for me at the moment - with this effort to recover from the weekend, am I being attendant to my delicate happiness soup? Or have I, with my regimen vision, only devised a new compulsion to stress myself out with? I mean, I'm happy that I am okay with the "imperfection" in the Operation. I think this is healthy. But being permissive with myself in this way feels like such a slippery slope, and sometimes I slide all the way down that slope, no problem. And I mean, there is no doubt that if I let today slide over to side B, I would feel bad. Not just bad as in physically sluggish and tired etc, but guilty. Guilty about failing to maximize my day, like a failure for losing the chance to take whatever invisible step forward with myself that only I can understand. As my friend recently pointed out to me so brilliantly, some people can make a prison out of anything. Even free time and finding happiness.
Here's some justification from my head: Besides, in my happiness criteria, sleep is an element of health, and relationships are their own criteria, so if I had to somehow stratify my requirements for happiness, then sleep and friends would at least be par with doing yoga, if not above. But I have not stratified my requirements for happiness, because each aspect is part of the delicate soupy broth that sometimes just needs more seasoning than other times. Really, to get everything perfect everyday, fitting in spirituality, the just-right physical feeling of health, putting effort into my relationships, and accomplishing meaningful work, would be impossible. I just can't do everything right everyday.
So this is the teetering atop the axis of my selves: on one side (side A), the disciplined, focused gal who mindfully eschews temptations, forgoing immediate, darker pleasures for the sake of her own future wellness; on the other side (side B), a reckless imbiber yelling gossip over the band and sleeping off a hangover in front of the tv. I am both these things, feeling at once both entitled to be reckless and yet sure that discipline is the only way to save my soul. Somewhere between side A and side B I think I should be able to pursue discipline and indulge recklessness. And, I am truly, truly, sorry to get all eat-pray-barf about it, but what is the expression of this balance?
For example, this weekend was all about side B. Saw bands, hung out with friends, drank a bunch, had a big dumb tv hangover, ate nothing but toast with butter all day. And I am not giving myself too hard a time about it, since I feel like having fun and partying it up is part of integrating myself in my community and permits departure from the Operation and actually helps fulfill the relationships thing, which is important to me, so whatever. Can't just stay home being "happy" all the time. And then Monday was all about recovery, and seeing some more friends, and getting back on the sleep train and getting all ready to get back on track. So then to get all the way back on track, today I am up fairly early, and have a hike planned, and found a yoga class to go to, and totally plan to practice my guitar playing, so I feel like this will "balance" out my bloated, imperfect weekend efforts. Fine.
But here's the problem for me at the moment - with this effort to recover from the weekend, am I being attendant to my delicate happiness soup? Or have I, with my regimen vision, only devised a new compulsion to stress myself out with? I mean, I'm happy that I am okay with the "imperfection" in the Operation. I think this is healthy. But being permissive with myself in this way feels like such a slippery slope, and sometimes I slide all the way down that slope, no problem. And I mean, there is no doubt that if I let today slide over to side B, I would feel bad. Not just bad as in physically sluggish and tired etc, but guilty. Guilty about failing to maximize my day, like a failure for losing the chance to take whatever invisible step forward with myself that only I can understand. As my friend recently pointed out to me so brilliantly, some people can make a prison out of anything. Even free time and finding happiness.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Criteria for Happiness
In as much as the yoga thing is something I think would make me happy, I've decided to define for myself some criteria for happiness.
So far, these are what I consider a good base line of well-being:
1) physical and psychological health
2) loving relationships
3) meaningful work
Pretty broad. So, how to achieve these criteria for happiness? Let's see.
1) physical and psychological health
a) adequate sleep
b) good nutrition
c) exercise
d) stress reduction
I think I can do all four of these. The most slippery one, however, being stress reduction, which is largely mental - and a stressful state of being is really what I think of when I think of the "psychological" part of this criterion. But the other three elements (sleep nutrition exercise) really help a lot with the fourth. We'll see.
2) loving relationships
a) logistical effort
b) patience
c) forgiveness
d) generosity maybe?
Man, that gets foggy fast. I love my friends and family etc., but it takes a lot of work to maintain connectedness, so that's the logistical effort - phone calls and dinner plans and driving all the hell around. And then to have not just the connectedness, but also real, rewarding intimacy, you need extra patience when people make you crazy, same with forgiveness if you perceive some kind of trespass, generosity when you need to combat feeling judgmental and dismissive or jealous or something . . . maintaining a mindset of love for your close relationships, not just on the outside, but truly in your mind, takes a lot of effort. That's kind of a grim view of friendship! Oh well.
3) meaningful work
a) challenge
b) substance
c) enjoyment
d) community
I feel that I am still seeking my meaningful work. I have lots of things that I like to do, like read, play music with friends, do some yoga, and cook and talk about food, but nothing that I yet consider my main work in this world. This could be a problem of perception (I'm already engaged in my meaningful work) or of finding it (need to try more stuff). I'm a little skeptical that I need to try more stuff. I think my search for meaningful work is a problem of directed effort, and that I have pursuits that can be channeled into challenging, substantive, enjoyable, community-connected work for myself. I think it's a matter of connecting the dots.
Hoorah, happiness bound!
So far, these are what I consider a good base line of well-being:
1) physical and psychological health
2) loving relationships
3) meaningful work
Pretty broad. So, how to achieve these criteria for happiness? Let's see.
1) physical and psychological health
a) adequate sleep
b) good nutrition
c) exercise
d) stress reduction
I think I can do all four of these. The most slippery one, however, being stress reduction, which is largely mental - and a stressful state of being is really what I think of when I think of the "psychological" part of this criterion. But the other three elements (sleep nutrition exercise) really help a lot with the fourth. We'll see.
2) loving relationships
a) logistical effort
b) patience
c) forgiveness
d) generosity maybe?
Man, that gets foggy fast. I love my friends and family etc., but it takes a lot of work to maintain connectedness, so that's the logistical effort - phone calls and dinner plans and driving all the hell around. And then to have not just the connectedness, but also real, rewarding intimacy, you need extra patience when people make you crazy, same with forgiveness if you perceive some kind of trespass, generosity when you need to combat feeling judgmental and dismissive or jealous or something . . . maintaining a mindset of love for your close relationships, not just on the outside, but truly in your mind, takes a lot of effort. That's kind of a grim view of friendship! Oh well.
3) meaningful work
a) challenge
b) substance
c) enjoyment
d) community
I feel that I am still seeking my meaningful work. I have lots of things that I like to do, like read, play music with friends, do some yoga, and cook and talk about food, but nothing that I yet consider my main work in this world. This could be a problem of perception (I'm already engaged in my meaningful work) or of finding it (need to try more stuff). I'm a little skeptical that I need to try more stuff. I think my search for meaningful work is a problem of directed effort, and that I have pursuits that can be channeled into challenging, substantive, enjoyable, community-connected work for myself. I think it's a matter of connecting the dots.
Hoorah, happiness bound!
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